Deconstructing R.

I like the ... with big booties in 'em
I like the crotch on you
I want what you've got baby

In 1993, I was 17 and just finishing up my last year in high school. That year also marked the first time I heard the words “I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump 'n grind.”

I have never been a lover or a hater of R. Kelly’s music. I thought his lyrics were ridiculous (“you remind me of my jeep, I wanna ride it” was particularly bad), but no more inane than anyone else being played on the radio at the time.

And then homeboy got busted.

I am a celebrity gossip whore of the worst kind, so of course I was all over it like fat kid on a smartie. Here is the rap sheet:

• Patrice Jones filed a suit against him for alleged statutory rape (she was apparently 16 when he was bumpin' and grindin' with her) and for forcing her to have an abortion.
• He was arrested after indictment on 21 counts of child pornography, which included a very graphic tape of him fucking a girl of 14. (He denied it was him, even though IT TOTALLY WAS HIM!)
• Montina Woods filed a suit against him for secretly taping the two of them having sex. (The tape is all over the Internet at this point.)
• He is arrested on charges of child pornography yet again, after the police raid his apartment only to find digital pictures of him fucking yet another underage girl.

So after all of this, I am of course completely repelled by this man. He not only makes hokey music about boning this and that, he likes the pre-pubescent ladies. So grody.

What does the general public do? They continue to buy his albums of course. He’s successfully released 4 albums since his arrests and his latest one, TP.3 Reloaded, just debuted at number one.

Let’s consider R. Kelly’s situation. He’s still not cleared of all charges; in fact, he’s still scheduled to appear in court. And although they buy his albums, people still think he’s likes to fuck young girls. What does one do if one were R. Kelly?

I think the last thing would be to release an album of hardcore songs about fucking with titles like Sex Weed, Touchin’ and (Sex) Love is What We’re Makin’.

My favourite song lyrics on this album appear in the song Put My T-Shirt On

T-shirt on gurl I love to see you wit my t-shirt on after we just got through hitten it in my home
(baby this is wat I wonna do)
wonna sex you in my white t stroke you in my white t honey put this...t-shirt on
gurl I love to see you wit my t-shirt on after we just got through hitten it in my home
(gurl this is what i wont)
bend it ova in that white-t let me hit it in that white-t

Wow. All this just before he has to go tell a judge that he is not a pervert who likes to bone young girls.

I must say. The man has got some big balls.