TomKat and Religious Rights

Apart from bringing back the old Hollywood practice of star matchmaking to hide a matineé idol’s otherwise obvious homosexuality, the unholy union of TomKat has started a whirlwind of public dialogue around the Church of Scientology. Since I love a good trend, I am taking this opportunity to weigh in my opinion on the matter. (Not on TomKat, but Scientology)

As I watched Tom Cruise slip into the dreaded “fundamentalist gaze” with Matt Lauer, I pretty much knew what was coming—fundamentalist meltdown or “fundy melt” for short. What made his fundy melt strange to me was that he was ranting about Scientology, a religion I know very little about. Here is what I know about Scientology:

• It’s based on a really poorly-written book by L. Ron Hubbard
• Lots of celebrities who were big in the late 1980s are into it
• Is associated with aliens who are in our bodies
• Uses terms like “thetan” and “engrams”
• Is “organized” in a mafioso or cult-like manner
  

Being that I knew very little about the subject, I’ve been reading as much as I can find on it. Most of my information has come from xenu.net, specifically a really good Time magazine article. I’ve also been reading this series on Scientology on Salon.com. Although I don’t consider myself a scholar on the matter, I do feel like I’ve got an opinion.

Like most religions, Scientology certainly appeals to those of us who are looking for some answers to life’s great questions and to some extent, a source of order within chaos. At some point or another we have all been lost and have needed something to help us along. For some of us it’s booze and for others it’s religion. (I personally use 1 part gin, 1 part religion, shaken not stirred.)

Nevertheless Scientology is some crazy ass shit. Here are just some reasons why I think it’s crazy:

• L. Ron Hubbard says that an “evil demigurge” named Xenu blew up 178 billion souls with hydrogen bombs hidden in volcanoes and now these souls or “thetans” are embedded in us all
• Charges its followers up to half a million dollars for courses that will help them become a “Clear” or “optimum individual”
• According to Tom Cruise, Scientologists believe that there is no such thing as chemical imbalances (is this motherfucker for real???)
• Resorts to using drug and alcohol centres to do some recruiting (this is how Kirstie Alley was snared)
  

And the list goes on and on. At the risk of sounding like a member of the Roman Empire looking to persecute some Christians, I have to say that I think Scientology is a load of horseshit (or malarkey for more delicate sensibilities) and you would have to be out of your mind to call it “spiritual.” Even so, people still have every right to practice it as a religion.

Just stay the hell away from me.