John Mayer is FUNNY!

Evidence is here:



and here



Too bad his music is only so so.

My irrational hate on Mike Bibby

I was a huge basketball fan before the 1994 labour dispute. I’d cancel plans just to watch games and would tape them if I absolutely could not be around to watch them. You can imagine how excited I was when the Grizzlies came to Vancouver.

Mike Bibby was drafted by the Vancouver Grizzlies in 1998, a year before Steve Francis came to town. Although he was in no way as bad as Francis (aka “Fuckface”), I still didn’t like him. Sure he showed up and played well, but in my mind, he didn’t want to be there and was just being polite. Kinda like that guy who sticks it out on a blind date even though he thinks the girl is an uggo.

As much as I hate Steve Francis (and believe me I hate that guy), I seem to feel some rage for Mike Bibby. That bastard always had one foot out the door. He just didn’t have the balls to do it the way that Francis did.

Tonight, we went to see the Raptors vs. Sacramento. Mike Bibby lit it up to the tune of 42 points. I was there booing him every step of the way and it felt good. It felt right. It made an exciting game even more exciting.

So even though my reasons for hating Mike Bibby are based on my own theories about the guy, that is good enough for me. Sometimes you can't explain your rage. You just feel it. That is the beauty of irrational anger.

GFY Mike Bibby. GFY.

À bientôt, my sweet vaGina…

So it’s been one and a half days since my sweet vaGina left for her whirlwind trip around the world. I just got an email from her in Singapore and despite over 20 hours of flying, she still manages words that touch my heart just so. Here is an excerpt:

Your bed will be a cold lonely place without me. ;) ...unless Chris stays over in which case it will be your pleasure palace.

Sigh. A whole year with out my vaGina. What ever will I do!

Here are 5 things I will miss about her. (In no particular order.)

1. Her eggplant dish. I’ve attempted many a time to recreate it, but it just isn’t the same. Who knew that eggplant burnt to a crisp, some tomato, yogurt, garlic and dried mint could be such a party in your mouth?
2. Her shady details. Even if she’s just gone down the street to get milk, if you ask her where she’s gone, she’ll give you some sort of cagey explanation that makes you think maybe she’s robbed someone. It must be the result of years of “being at the library” until 3AM.
3. Her Germanic penchant for efficiency and orderliness. She once told me how to properly eat a quesadilla. I told her to GFY and then to GTH. Tempo anyone?
4. Her long luxurious hair. Makes you wanna stroke it for hours. Even after some crazy Korean lady has used a comb, filled with other people’s hair, that she’s dropped on the floor, to comb it.
5. Her ability to rock it the “3rd way” until she can’t shit right for weeks.

I could go on and on. My vaGina does so many things that fill my heart and bring a smile to my face. But it’s late and I must be off to bed.

She’s currently on a plane from Singapore to New Delhi now and when she lands, India will not know what it. Her Khyber Pass will swallow everything in it’s path.

Godspeed my man in Havana.

Canadians are stupid

I can’t fucking believe it. The Canadian public have officially elected a minority Conservative government. I now officially live in a country governed by Stephen fucking Harper.

Let’s re-visit some Harper quotes.

“Canada appears content to become a second-tier socialistic country, boasting ever more loudly about its economy and social services to mask its second-rate status.”

“I have no difficulty with the recognition of civil unions for non-traditional relationships but I believe in law we should protect the traditional definition of marriage.”

“We should have been there shoulder to shoulder with our allies. Our concern is the instability of our government as an ally. We are playing again with national and global security matters.”

“You've got to remember that west of Winnipeg the ridings the Liberals hold are dominated by people who are either recent Asian immigrants or recent migrants from eastern Canada: people who live in ghettoes and who are not integrated into western Canadian society.”

It angers me that people decided to vote for the Conservatives for no other reason than they aren’t the Liberals. How fucking ignorant is that. How about voting for the candidate that best represents your views!

I am willing to wager that most fucktards who voted for the Conservatives during this election hand no fucking clue who their candidates were. All they were thinking was, “the Reds fucked up, I’m going Blue this time.” This is not to say that I am a Liberal supporter at all. I am just so sick of people casting with their votes with the same level of brainpower as they use to sort their recycling.

We are officially a nation of utter morons.

I am fucking moving.

B-O-R-I-N-G: The Bachelor Paris

I cannot believe that the Bachelor franchise has been around since 2002. I will have to admit, I did follow the one with Aaron Buerge, only to be kicked in the teeth when he ditched Helene. (She was too good for him.)

Tonight’s double episode premier was a real snoozer. First and foremost, Dr. Travis Stork has got to be the most boring goody-goody to step into the bachelor shoes.

He doesn’t fool me though. I’m willing to bet that this guy has a sex tape of him doing some Thai transexual hooker up the butt.

The bachelorettes, of course, all showed up wearing the knowing scent of desperation. As per usual, the harem featured thin eyebrows, shiny hair and that fake niceness you get from the bitches competing with you for the Boxing Day deals. There was the requisite meltdown from the token over 30 hoochie, who of course is only interested in procreation. (FYI, I know plenty of professional over-30 women who want a husband and a baby as much as they want Stephen Harper for Prime Minister.)

The only glimmer of hope was Sarah B., who is from Winnipeg. (GO JETS!) Then. She opened her mouth and YEEEEESOS, the bitch is S-T-U-P-I-D.

To make this whole exercise even more idiotic, they are doing this shit in Paris. Hmm…Americans in Paris? Wasn’t it just a short while ago that Americans were throwing French wine down the sink and serving “freedom fries” instead of French fries?

It’s times like this when I really miss Temptation Island.

Best Quote:

As Travis is trying not to kiss Sarah B. they rub each other up as the other girls say…

“Ohmigod he’s feeling her up.”

NO SHIT BITCHES! HE'S A HORNY DOCTOR.

I <3 the Motorola Pebl

This is it! I have found the phone that I absolutely must have.

I will be stalking eBay until I get my hands on one. It comes in red too!

130 More Sleeps!

My friend H just officially booked our hotel for our trip to Florence today! I am one plane ticket away from fully booking my trip to London and Florence in May.

Here are a few things I am looking forward to in London:

• Finally getting to see the Tate Modern. I missed this the last time I was in London.
• Gorging myself on fish and chips at the Rock and Sole Plaice in Covent Garden.
• The London markets: Brixton, Spitalfields, Borough, Portobello and Camden.
• Afternoon tea at the Landmark Hotel.
• Shopping in Shoreditch.
• Picking up some earrings at Tatty Devine.
• Shopping for trainers at Foot Patrol.

The great thing about London this time around is that I won’t be alone! I’ll be dragging around C. He’s only got a few requests which I am happy to accommodate of course.

As for Florence, my friend H has been doing most of the planning for this. She booked us this great little boutique hotel called Hotel Globus.















Doesn’t it look amazing? I’ve done some reading about towns in Tuscany and have managed to put together a rough itinerary for us. This is what we’ve got so far:

• Shopping spree at the outlets. (Prada at 60-80% off!)
• Day trip to Siena.
• Day trip to one of the towns in the Chianti area.
• Day trip to San Gimignano.
  

If anyone has been to Florence, please fill me in on your travel tips!

New Year, New Jizzob

Wowawewa! Has it been that long since my last post??? I have absolutely no excuses other than, I just couldn’t think of anything interesting to say.

Now that I’ve made my “it’s been so long since I’ve blogged” statement, we can get to the good stuff.

I am starting yet another new job next week and to be truthful, I am not all that excited about it. I basically took the job for 3 reasons:

1. It pays a lot more money.
2. They told me I don’t have to work long hours.
3. It’s with MSN. For someone who works with Internet content, MSN is not too shabby.

What I find funny is that now I am leaving, I’m starting to notice how my current job ain’t so bad. I got to work with the smartest people I’ve ever worked with in my entire career. And I did work so challenging that my brain felt like mush afterward.

This new job is a whole lot cushier and most likely not as challenging. When I first accepted it, I felt a bit ashamed as I am essentially cashing in at this point in my career. I always said that I would rather poke myself in the eye with a fork than have a cushy 9 to 5 job. I started thinking that maybe I had lost my ambition.

As I started thinking about it a bit more I came to one clear realization. I have finally discovered that I am not defined by my job. For most people, this seems simple enough, but for a narcissistic workaholic like me, this is a breakthrough.

When I was 24, I had a bit of a breakdown. I had lost my “dream job” that I had committed one full year of 60-70 hours a week. I had nothing else in my life but work. And even though I have been choosy with the jobs that I’ve had (and I’ve had some good ones), this pattern of putting work before my personal life is one that I have continued to repeat throughout the years.

And then a year ago, I found myself again burned out by work and almost 30. This time however, I found myself having to take care of several people in my life who had been afflicted with some serious diseases. Added to that, I found myself in my first serious relationship. Added to that was the realization that I actually wanted to someday have children. All of a sudden work became this means to an end and not my sole purpose for existing.

So essentially, my ambition has not disappeared; it’s just taking a different form. I have always been whining that I don’t write enough because I don’t have the time and now I don’t have any excuses. I have re-discovered my burning desire to win a Pulitzer or a Booker and will be attacking that goal with the same tenacity that I used to have for my Internet career.

It’s nice. To have a personal life. To know that there are other things in my life more important than earning a lot of money for a corporation that would kick me to the curb as soon as there was a drop in my productivity.

Cushy new job, here I come!