New Year, New Jizzob

Wowawewa! Has it been that long since my last post??? I have absolutely no excuses other than, I just couldn’t think of anything interesting to say.

Now that I’ve made my “it’s been so long since I’ve blogged” statement, we can get to the good stuff.

I am starting yet another new job next week and to be truthful, I am not all that excited about it. I basically took the job for 3 reasons:

1. It pays a lot more money.
2. They told me I don’t have to work long hours.
3. It’s with MSN. For someone who works with Internet content, MSN is not too shabby.

What I find funny is that now I am leaving, I’m starting to notice how my current job ain’t so bad. I got to work with the smartest people I’ve ever worked with in my entire career. And I did work so challenging that my brain felt like mush afterward.

This new job is a whole lot cushier and most likely not as challenging. When I first accepted it, I felt a bit ashamed as I am essentially cashing in at this point in my career. I always said that I would rather poke myself in the eye with a fork than have a cushy 9 to 5 job. I started thinking that maybe I had lost my ambition.

As I started thinking about it a bit more I came to one clear realization. I have finally discovered that I am not defined by my job. For most people, this seems simple enough, but for a narcissistic workaholic like me, this is a breakthrough.

When I was 24, I had a bit of a breakdown. I had lost my “dream job” that I had committed one full year of 60-70 hours a week. I had nothing else in my life but work. And even though I have been choosy with the jobs that I’ve had (and I’ve had some good ones), this pattern of putting work before my personal life is one that I have continued to repeat throughout the years.

And then a year ago, I found myself again burned out by work and almost 30. This time however, I found myself having to take care of several people in my life who had been afflicted with some serious diseases. Added to that, I found myself in my first serious relationship. Added to that was the realization that I actually wanted to someday have children. All of a sudden work became this means to an end and not my sole purpose for existing.

So essentially, my ambition has not disappeared; it’s just taking a different form. I have always been whining that I don’t write enough because I don’t have the time and now I don’t have any excuses. I have re-discovered my burning desire to win a Pulitzer or a Booker and will be attacking that goal with the same tenacity that I used to have for my Internet career.

It’s nice. To have a personal life. To know that there are other things in my life more important than earning a lot of money for a corporation that would kick me to the curb as soon as there was a drop in my productivity.

Cushy new job, here I come!