MSN Conversation between Lulu & Scott

My friend Scott has broken some new social barriers with his notorious poker night by inviting his first gay participant. Since its inception, Scott's poker night has been a point of contention.

However, with the addition of Attit and Chris, the game broke its first social barrier, that of race and now with the addition of Chris #2, the game has moved with the times and embraced differences within sexual orientation.

The only social barrier left to overcome has to do with the issue of gender. On this issue, Scott will not budge. His argument? Sometimes a man needs a little cock.

Here is our conversation from today.

scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
he may be coming to the poker game now
Lulu says:
hot
Lulu says:
finally
Lulu says:
your game has broken barriers
Lulu says:
not only for race
Lulu says:
but for sexual orientation
Lulu says:
only thing left
Lulu says:
is the gender barrier
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
nope
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
no woman allowed
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
dan is taliban
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
i need a guys night now
Lulu says:
HAHAHA
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
before i could've gone either way
Lulu says:
the old lady riding you
Lulu says:
?
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
this is sausage
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
nope
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
but a guy needs his time
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
i work with women
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
live with women
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
i need to cock rock it sometimes ya know
Lulu says:
oh yah
Lulu says:
you definitely need some cock
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
gth
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
you deserve to be sick
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
hahahaha
Lulu says:
and you deserve some cock
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
you are tooooo much
Lulu says:
you love it
Lulu says:
you did it to yourself
scottstwocents.blogspot.com: howland says:
true

The Da Vinci Code

I soooooo did not want to read this book, let alone like it.

A few years ago my friend Hilda bought me a copy of the Da Vinci Code at a book sale. I am not at all a big fan of fiction and rarely read it. Also, I had heard a lot of hype surrounding this book and like the cultural snob that I am, immediately just put it in my “read it if I am trapped in my house and all other books, magazines or anything else with writing on it has been destroyed” pile.

Meanwhile, everyone else I knew could not stop asking me to borrow the damn thing. I think I leant it out to about three people. Each of them had the same reaction. No one could put this book down once they got their hands on it. This went on for about a year after I received the book.

Still. I didn’t want to buy into the hype. So each time I got the book back, I just left it on my bookshelf unread for another year.

Then the film talk began. Again, people were abuzz. Great debates began springing up arguing whether or not Tom Hanks was the right person for the lead role of Robert Langdon. Everyone seemed to agree on the casting of Audrey Tatou for the role of Sophie Neveu.

Still. I held out and the book remained unread by me for a few more months.

Until this weekend. My good friend Erica came for a visit this weekend and at about midnight on Friday, she demanded that I read the first five pages of the book.

As it turns out, I couldn’t put this book down and ended up reading it until 5:00AM and basically finished the book in roughly six hours.

The Da Vinci Code is just a good old fashioned thriller with some of the most intricate, yet uncontrived plot twists I’ve ever encountered in a book.

I cannot wait until the movie comes out!

South Dakota makes me sad

So it’s finally official. If you’re a woman in South Dakota and you want to have an abortion, you better be dying.

This is a sad, sad development.

Read more about the law on CBC.ca

How cute is Jake Gyllenhaal?

Now I know this is not new, but it's new to me. Although I think Jakeypoo is adorable, I wasn't so convinced that he should be on my "bangable" list. However, I've just seen some pictures that have moved Jakeypoo into bangable territory.

Here is Jake having dinner with Ang Lee:



So it seems that Jakeypoo had a bit too much to drink at said dinner.



And my favourite. Here he is looking like a jackass as he crashes a photo of Ang and Uma.


I am a sucker for drunken jackass antics. Well done Jakeypoo, well done.

I like my bangs extra crispy

Today I saw a woman with crispy bangs and it brought back some memories. For those of you who don’t know what that is, refer to the above photograph.

Now I am not above the crispy bang as during the mid-80’s I did my best to achieve the perfect crispy bang, to no avail. I never had the right cut, nor the right weight to my hair for it.

Here is how one achieves the crispy bang:

1. You start with a haircut that is not unlike a mullet. The only real difference is that the business starts further up, so that your bangs feather around your face like a sweet sweet baby chick (with a mullet).
2. Spray the bejeezus out of said feathered bangs. Aqua Net was a late 80s favourite.
3. Using a curling iron you curl your front bangs under, so that they are nice and rounded and the tips of the bangs curl to touch your forehead.
4. You fluff the surrounding area around the curled bangs.

Like I said earlier, my attempts at this look were never successful. None less successful then the time I did my hair just before my friend Paula’s 11th birthday.

I had gotten myself all dolled up and really gave’r with the Acqua Net for Paula’s party. Sadly, while I was a fan of the crispy bang, I was also a fan of playing with open flames.

This particular day, just before leaving for Paula’s party, I was seeing how long I could hang on to a lit toothpick before it burned my fingertips. While I was focusing on not burning my finger with a burning toothpick, my pathetic crispy bangs went up in flames like Scarlett’s plantation in Gone with the Wind.

Le sigh.

Leave it to the hicks to make me feel all nostalgic.

All for the hand of Flava Flav

I can't imagine putting all this effort in for Flava Flav.

Hermione is all growed up

FYI she is 15. I am sooo not going to judge, because I was doing such things at 14.


What next? Liquid ecstasy?

I love me some Paul Walker

So I picked up a copy of Toro this week and who should be on the cover but Paul Walker. Normally the blond hair, blue-eyed combo does not turn my crank, but for some reason Paul Walker gets me more worked up than a bitch in heat.

Apparently Paul Walker is no pretty boy. He comes from a long line of military men and is all about shooting guns, drinking and getting into bar fights. He's even being compared to Steve McQueen. (My favourite!)

Let's read a quote from the lovely Mr. Walker:

You work with these pricks and you hear these stories about like Michael Bay. I mean that guy is such a nightmare. People like that shouldn't be allowed to work anymore. I hope he hears this.

Nice. He publicly insults and then taunts Michael Bay, director of such mega-hokey movies as The Island, Bad Boys, Pearl Harbor and Armageddon. That guy has got some cajones.

Here are some photos of Hot Paul shirtless.

Do you think these guys bowl on a team together?

Mein schwanz mit mein kampf!

Wow.

This is why kids need to play less on the computer and spend more time outdoors.

This B**** is Crazy

Did they have religious cartoons lying around or something?

I'm all 'bout being "dark sided" if it means being the opposite of this woman.

Steve McQueen and other Valentine’s Day Treats

I do realize that it’s a bit late for a Valentine’s debrief, but things have been busy.

So my lovely boyfriend informed me a few weeks ago that he had picked some “materials” up for my Valentine’s Day prezzie. Naturally, I demanded that he tell me straight away and continued to badger him until Valentine’s Day.

After the fourth night of “I have go to home to work on your gift,” I told him that if it wasn’t good, that I would really be pissed. (I’m not the nicest girl in the world, but rest assured that I do know how to keep my mans happy.)

Our night began with us dividing and conquering the items that needed to be completed for our romantic night in. I was in charge of picking up the sushi and the movie that Chris had selected for our special night in.

Let’s talk about the movie for a sec. It was called Battle Royale. Here is what IMDB has to say about it:

Ninth grade students are taken to a small isolated island with a map, food and various arms. They have to fight each other three days long until the last one remains and are forced to wear a special collar which will explode when they break a rule.

I think me saying yes to this movie more than made up for the “my present better be good” comment.

My little darling was responsible for the wine and the dessert and of course my gift.

The present was AWESOME!

He painted me two canvases. One of Steve McQueen (my favourite) from the cover of the movie Bullitt, in pink and black. And one of Eric Clapton (his favourite) in black and white.

My boyfriend rocks!

I think I’ll keep him.

The city of love with my lova

So over dinner on Tuesday, my young lova asked if we can take a quick jaunt to Paris during our trip to London in May. Initially I was a little reluctant for two reasons.

1. This entire trip is costing me soooo much money! With London and Italy so far, adding Paris just seemed like so much.
2. Although we have 9 full days in London, there is so much to do that taking a few days to go to Paris would cut into that time.

As I am trying to be less of a biznatch, I looked into it.

Turns out it ended up being a lot cheaper than I thought and since I’ve already been to London before, I’ve seen most of what I wanted to see. As it also turns out, Chris was not so interested in spending all our time in London, hanging out in museums.

Long story short. We’ve now added Paris to the trip.

We are taking the Chunnel from London to Paris.

We are staying at the Hôtel Beaumarchais, which is near the Marais, one of few neighbourhoods in Paris that didn’t get torn down and re-built by Napoleon.


The last time I was in Paris, I was a single lady. Now I get to hang out in the city of looooooove with my lova.

Lucky him!

Another reason to hate the Bush administration

Wow. My 2nd hate post in a row and 3rd in less than a week! There is a lot to hate this week.

Hugo Chávez is the current president of Venezuela. He was elected in 1998, just six years after he orchestrated a failed coup d'état. He was re-elected in 2000, with over 60% of the votes.

Here are some highlights from Hugo Chávez’s tenure as president of Venezuela:

• He is a democratic socialist.
• Seeking to snap Venezuela out of social and economic decline, he launched the Bolivarian Missions, a series of social justice, social welfare, anti-poverty, and educational programs.
• Opposed the Washington Consensus and opted for alternative forms of economic development.
• Set up a free healthcare system in Venezuela.
• Put together a committee that drafted a new Venezuelan constitution that saw a significant increase in the number of human rights promised to the people of Venezuela.

So why does US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld compare this man to Adolph Hitler?

Much like the way that John F. Kennedy dealt with Fidel Castro, the US government has decided to portray Chávez as a crazy commie, hell-bent on destroying everything that democracy stands for.

Here is what Rumsfeld has to say about Chávez’s influence in Latin America:

“We saw dictatorships there. And then we saw most of those countries, with the exception of Cuba, for the most part move towards democracies,” he said. “We also saw corruption in that part of the world. And corruption is something that is corrosive of democracy.”

Chávez has made it clear that he views the US as imperialist. He doesn’t trust them and he doesn’t want their help and does not want their presence in his country.

So naturally he is being subjected not only to a media smear campaign, he is also being watched and probably have a bunch of people trying to kill him on a daily basis.

I'm sure Chávez has his bastard moments and is certainly not the perfect politician. However, he seems to be actually trying to do good by his people and like most people just want to be left the fuck alone by the Bush administration.

Gwyneth Paltrow needs to shut the fuck up

Whilst perusing through Ananova.com, I came a across a story about how Gwyneth don’t like drunk ladies. Here’s the quote:

"I really don't like drunk women. I think it's such a bad look. I think it's very inappropriate.

"I think, 'Ooh, you're really degrading yourself to be this p**sed out in public.'"

Escoooose me?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Some of my best friends are drunk women who get “pissed” in public places. And I will go so far to say that these women are far more beautiful, engaging, complex and intelligent than Gwyneth Paltrow can ever dream of being.

Now I have never ever liked Gwyneth. Sure she is pretty in that boring waspy fashion, but she is nothing special. And quite frankly, girlfriend talk too much.

For someone who claims to value her privacy, she sure does a lot of talking to the press. First she’s going on about her break up with Brad. Then her break up with Ben. Then about how she married Chris Martin ‘cause he looked like her dad. (Slightly creepy) Then she says that the reason why Brad and Jenn broke up was because they talked too much about their relationship.

SHUT THE FUCK UP GWYNETH. No one gives a flying fuck about your stuck-up view of the world.

Lock up the doors to your posh house in London and never ever let us hear or read any more utterances from your tight thin lips.

FYI. You are totally B-O-R-I-N-G.

John Mayer is FUNNY!

Evidence is here:



and here



Too bad his music is only so so.

My irrational hate on Mike Bibby

I was a huge basketball fan before the 1994 labour dispute. I’d cancel plans just to watch games and would tape them if I absolutely could not be around to watch them. You can imagine how excited I was when the Grizzlies came to Vancouver.

Mike Bibby was drafted by the Vancouver Grizzlies in 1998, a year before Steve Francis came to town. Although he was in no way as bad as Francis (aka “Fuckface”), I still didn’t like him. Sure he showed up and played well, but in my mind, he didn’t want to be there and was just being polite. Kinda like that guy who sticks it out on a blind date even though he thinks the girl is an uggo.

As much as I hate Steve Francis (and believe me I hate that guy), I seem to feel some rage for Mike Bibby. That bastard always had one foot out the door. He just didn’t have the balls to do it the way that Francis did.

Tonight, we went to see the Raptors vs. Sacramento. Mike Bibby lit it up to the tune of 42 points. I was there booing him every step of the way and it felt good. It felt right. It made an exciting game even more exciting.

So even though my reasons for hating Mike Bibby are based on my own theories about the guy, that is good enough for me. Sometimes you can't explain your rage. You just feel it. That is the beauty of irrational anger.

GFY Mike Bibby. GFY.

À bientôt, my sweet vaGina…

So it’s been one and a half days since my sweet vaGina left for her whirlwind trip around the world. I just got an email from her in Singapore and despite over 20 hours of flying, she still manages words that touch my heart just so. Here is an excerpt:

Your bed will be a cold lonely place without me. ;) ...unless Chris stays over in which case it will be your pleasure palace.

Sigh. A whole year with out my vaGina. What ever will I do!

Here are 5 things I will miss about her. (In no particular order.)

1. Her eggplant dish. I’ve attempted many a time to recreate it, but it just isn’t the same. Who knew that eggplant burnt to a crisp, some tomato, yogurt, garlic and dried mint could be such a party in your mouth?
2. Her shady details. Even if she’s just gone down the street to get milk, if you ask her where she’s gone, she’ll give you some sort of cagey explanation that makes you think maybe she’s robbed someone. It must be the result of years of “being at the library” until 3AM.
3. Her Germanic penchant for efficiency and orderliness. She once told me how to properly eat a quesadilla. I told her to GFY and then to GTH. Tempo anyone?
4. Her long luxurious hair. Makes you wanna stroke it for hours. Even after some crazy Korean lady has used a comb, filled with other people’s hair, that she’s dropped on the floor, to comb it.
5. Her ability to rock it the “3rd way” until she can’t shit right for weeks.

I could go on and on. My vaGina does so many things that fill my heart and bring a smile to my face. But it’s late and I must be off to bed.

She’s currently on a plane from Singapore to New Delhi now and when she lands, India will not know what it. Her Khyber Pass will swallow everything in it’s path.

Godspeed my man in Havana.

Canadians are stupid

I can’t fucking believe it. The Canadian public have officially elected a minority Conservative government. I now officially live in a country governed by Stephen fucking Harper.

Let’s re-visit some Harper quotes.

“Canada appears content to become a second-tier socialistic country, boasting ever more loudly about its economy and social services to mask its second-rate status.”

“I have no difficulty with the recognition of civil unions for non-traditional relationships but I believe in law we should protect the traditional definition of marriage.”

“We should have been there shoulder to shoulder with our allies. Our concern is the instability of our government as an ally. We are playing again with national and global security matters.”

“You've got to remember that west of Winnipeg the ridings the Liberals hold are dominated by people who are either recent Asian immigrants or recent migrants from eastern Canada: people who live in ghettoes and who are not integrated into western Canadian society.”

It angers me that people decided to vote for the Conservatives for no other reason than they aren’t the Liberals. How fucking ignorant is that. How about voting for the candidate that best represents your views!

I am willing to wager that most fucktards who voted for the Conservatives during this election hand no fucking clue who their candidates were. All they were thinking was, “the Reds fucked up, I’m going Blue this time.” This is not to say that I am a Liberal supporter at all. I am just so sick of people casting with their votes with the same level of brainpower as they use to sort their recycling.

We are officially a nation of utter morons.

I am fucking moving.

B-O-R-I-N-G: The Bachelor Paris

I cannot believe that the Bachelor franchise has been around since 2002. I will have to admit, I did follow the one with Aaron Buerge, only to be kicked in the teeth when he ditched Helene. (She was too good for him.)

Tonight’s double episode premier was a real snoozer. First and foremost, Dr. Travis Stork has got to be the most boring goody-goody to step into the bachelor shoes.

He doesn’t fool me though. I’m willing to bet that this guy has a sex tape of him doing some Thai transexual hooker up the butt.

The bachelorettes, of course, all showed up wearing the knowing scent of desperation. As per usual, the harem featured thin eyebrows, shiny hair and that fake niceness you get from the bitches competing with you for the Boxing Day deals. There was the requisite meltdown from the token over 30 hoochie, who of course is only interested in procreation. (FYI, I know plenty of professional over-30 women who want a husband and a baby as much as they want Stephen Harper for Prime Minister.)

The only glimmer of hope was Sarah B., who is from Winnipeg. (GO JETS!) Then. She opened her mouth and YEEEEESOS, the bitch is S-T-U-P-I-D.

To make this whole exercise even more idiotic, they are doing this shit in Paris. Hmm…Americans in Paris? Wasn’t it just a short while ago that Americans were throwing French wine down the sink and serving “freedom fries” instead of French fries?

It’s times like this when I really miss Temptation Island.

Best Quote:

As Travis is trying not to kiss Sarah B. they rub each other up as the other girls say…

“Ohmigod he’s feeling her up.”

NO SHIT BITCHES! HE'S A HORNY DOCTOR.